English - The Devil's Language

Many years ago, there was a rave about how satanic cults were making use of music to spread their evil messages. You could hear these sublimal messages simply by playing the track backwards. What the protagonist didn't realise was that for centuries, the English language already contains secret messages that reveals itself just by rearranging the letters in a particular word. We call them Anagrams. Here are some of my favourites!

DORMITORY<->DIRTY ROOM
DESPERATION<->A ROPE ENDS IT
SLOT MACHINES<->CASH LOST IN ME
ELECTION RESULTS<->LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS<->ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
ELEVEN PLUS TWO<->TWELVE PLUS ONE

And my favourite for all time!!!
MOTHER-IN-LAW<->WOMAN HITLER

Cheers!

Urban Legends - They Walk Amongst Us!!!

Growing up, I've heard many scary urban legends that I dread even to repeat. On the other hand, I've also heard some really interesting stories that made me go "Hmmmmm......."

Here are some of them....

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Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it.

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One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted...."Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said... "where???"

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While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."

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I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific".

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My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but, "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."

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My sister has a life-saving tool in her car and it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. Just to be safe, she keeps it in the trunk...

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My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were on 10% discount. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount... maybe we should have bought 10 cases.

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I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"

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While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."

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Cheers!

Men - God's Perfect Creation

Women often say that Men are shallow, predictable, childish, etc, etc, etc...

WHAT UTTER RUBBISH!!! Men are creatures of depth, tradition, education, intellectual thought and mature debate. And I can prove it!

Men keep grand dreams of King Arthur's Court and so today, they continue to sit as equals around a table to discuss world-changing issues like how much to charge other Men for membership into their exclusive fraternity.

Men's intellectual and educational traditions must be strictly adhered to and even if we are to sacrifice life and limb, Men will not budge on principle. Take for example a discussion I was privy to just a couple of days ago. The topic in question was with regard to the use of Fish or Fishes in the description of the aquatic creatures residing within an aquatic tank. Mr T presented his case with true deliberation and fore-thought and after a fiercely contested 30 minutes, pure logic and intellect prevailed! It was decided that we must use Fish in its singular and on a side note, it was clearly minuted and unanimously agreed that a Clown Fish does not dig its face into green button polyps.

Further proof you say?

Let us take the time-honoured sport of Golf (Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden).
Armed with their trusty clubs like their cavemen forebears, Men trudge along turfs of green with a clear objective - to get that ball into 18 separate holes in 72 strokes or less. In the course of this endeavour, collateral damage to the groundwork is unavoidable - Men have even coined a name for this - DIVOT. However, as with all grand schemes, 2 schools of thought prevail - should we replace the chunk of grass or do we fill the hole with sand and seedling? The debate continues. When a logical and fraternally accepted method is agreed upon the weaker gender will be duly informed.

I believe I have presented my case with strength. It is blasphemy to say that Women is God's improved version of Men. God created Women because HE had extra clay. Anyway, who else would bring Men his beer and slippers?

Cheers!

Betcha Didn't Know....

Did You Know...

• Babies are born without kneecaps. They appear when the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
• It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
• Your stomach has to produce a layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.
• An average American spends an average of 6 months waiting at red lights their whole life.
  
• If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
  

On Animals, Reptiles, Amphibians and all those other living, breathing, non-human creatures that share our World...

• A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
• A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
• A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
• A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
• A snail can sleep for three years.
  
• An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
• Butterflies taste with their feet.
• Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
• Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
• In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

And Not To Forget...

• Almonds are a member of the peach family.
• Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
  
• A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
• February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
• Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
• The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
• The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.
• "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "MT".
  
• There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: - "abstemious" and "facetious."
• TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

Cheers!

Oxford Dictionary Revised

Through the course of time, humans have evolved to become intellectually more superior (or so we think). With this evolution, our methods of communication too must evolve with the times. Situational changes dictate that we associate terms to suit these changes. That being said, here are the latest revisions to our trustworthy Oxford Dictionary.

Boss

Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

Cigarette
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other

Classic
A book which people praise, but do not read

Committee
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together

Compromise
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece

Conference
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present

Conference Room
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on

Criminal
A guy no different from the rest...except that he got caught

Divorce
Future tense of marriage

Doctor
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills

Experience
The name men give to their mistakes

Father
A banker provided by nature

Lecture
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Miser
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich

Opportunist
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river

Optimist
A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

Philosopher
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead

Politician
One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after

Yawn
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth

Peace Out!