A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labor is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies.
"OK Do you have a boyfriend?", asks the Midwife.
"No, no boyfriend either."
"Do you have a partner then?"
"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman.
"You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black."
"Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porno movie. The leading man was black."
"Oh," says the midwife, "it's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions, but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."
"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see the co-star in the movie was this Swedish guy."
"Oh," the midwife repeats, "it's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes."
"Yes," continues the girl, "there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."
At this, the midwife collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give the baby a slap on the bum. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank God for that!"
"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.
"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horriblefeeling that it was going to bark!"
CHEERS!
20.9.07
7.9.07
Life's Always A Bitch...
Life's always such a bitch! And we always end up getting screwed!
It's really interesting to take a step back and watch the nonsense that goes on around us every day. If someone gives me $1 for every DUH! moment in my life, I'd be a Gigazillionaire before I turn 40!
Imagine this scenario:
Mr A comes up with a brilliant marketing proposal with a perfect sales pitch to boot. He puts together a proposal and presents it to his superior Supervisor S.
Supervisor S reads through the proposal, shoots it down like a character out of House of the Dead and gives Mr A a tongue-lashing about how he had wasted precious time on a useless endeavour.
2 weeks later, at the monthly sales & marketing meeting, Boss B informs everybody that Supervisor S has proposed a brilliant plan to help the company boost revenue by more than 300%! He goes on to ask Supervisor S to present his plan and whaddayaknow? it's the exact same proposal that Mr A had proposed in the first place!
At the end of the presentation, Boss B gives his review of all managers at the table and says to Mr A in particular that he seems to be slacking in performance & ideas. Boss B goes on to comment that unless he starts coming up with ideas like Supervisor S, he will find himself redundant very soon.
SCREWED!
It's really interesting to take a step back and watch the nonsense that goes on around us every day. If someone gives me $1 for every DUH! moment in my life, I'd be a Gigazillionaire before I turn 40!
Imagine this scenario:
Mr A comes up with a brilliant marketing proposal with a perfect sales pitch to boot. He puts together a proposal and presents it to his superior Supervisor S.
Supervisor S reads through the proposal, shoots it down like a character out of House of the Dead and gives Mr A a tongue-lashing about how he had wasted precious time on a useless endeavour.
2 weeks later, at the monthly sales & marketing meeting, Boss B informs everybody that Supervisor S has proposed a brilliant plan to help the company boost revenue by more than 300%! He goes on to ask Supervisor S to present his plan and whaddayaknow? it's the exact same proposal that Mr A had proposed in the first place!
At the end of the presentation, Boss B gives his review of all managers at the table and says to Mr A in particular that he seems to be slacking in performance & ideas. Boss B goes on to comment that unless he starts coming up with ideas like Supervisor S, he will find himself redundant very soon.
SCREWED!
4.9.07
Advertising Tag Lines...
Once upon a time in Singapore, there lived a happy couple, Mr & Mrs Ng, with their 3 lovely daughters; Elaine, Ena & Ella. The 3 daughters were brought up in a prim-and-proper way and when they reached 20, they were still virgins.
Years passed, and it was time to get them married, so the parents found them the most suitable guys, got them married and were preparing to set-off on their individual honeymoons. As "concerned" (more like "kay-poh") parents, Mr & Mrs Ng were curious about their daughters' first-night experience so before the daughters went on their respective honeymoons, Mrs Ng told them, "Your father and I want to know about your 1st night encounters and whether you are satisfied. Write a letter to us, but as not to raise your husbands' curiosity, you all must use a code-name to describe your experiences."
So, the excited daughters were off. A week passed and Mr & Mrs Ng got the first letter. It was from Elaine. They opened the letter and found the word STANDARD CHARTERED and immediately took the newspaper and looked for the Standard Chartered advertisement.
"Ah! here it is!", exclaimed Mr Ng. The motto for Standard Chartered was.... "BIG, STRONG & FRIENDLY"
Mr & Mrs Ng were happy.
A week later, they got another letter and this time it was from Ena. The content was simply "NESCAFE". So, again they took the newspaper and looked for the Nescafe ad.
"Ah! here it is. "NESCAFE: PLEASURE TILL THE LAST DROP".
Mr & Mrs Ng beamed with joy.
Another week passed, followed by a month and yet another but still no letter from Ella and the Ngs became worried. Finally, the letter came. It was scribbled and could hardly be read, but Mrs Ng managed to figure it out. The code-name was "SINGAPORE AIRLINES". Mr Ng rushed to the nearest store and got a newspaper and flipped the pages frantically.
"Ah! Here it is!" Mrs Ng grabbed the page and read aloud. Before she could finish, <> she fell off her chair!
The motto was ..."7 TIMES A WEEK, 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY, NON-STOP".
CHEERS!
Years passed, and it was time to get them married, so the parents found them the most suitable guys, got them married and were preparing to set-off on their individual honeymoons. As "concerned" (more like "kay-poh") parents, Mr & Mrs Ng were curious about their daughters' first-night experience so before the daughters went on their respective honeymoons, Mrs Ng told them, "Your father and I want to know about your 1st night encounters and whether you are satisfied. Write a letter to us, but as not to raise your husbands' curiosity, you all must use a code-name to describe your experiences."
So, the excited daughters were off. A week passed and Mr & Mrs Ng got the first letter. It was from Elaine. They opened the letter and found the word STANDARD CHARTERED and immediately took the newspaper and looked for the Standard Chartered advertisement.
"Ah! here it is!", exclaimed Mr Ng. The motto for Standard Chartered was.... "BIG, STRONG & FRIENDLY"
Mr & Mrs Ng were happy.
A week later, they got another letter and this time it was from Ena. The content was simply "NESCAFE". So, again they took the newspaper and looked for the Nescafe ad.
"Ah! here it is. "NESCAFE: PLEASURE TILL THE LAST DROP".
Mr & Mrs Ng beamed with joy.
Another week passed, followed by a month and yet another but still no letter from Ella and the Ngs became worried. Finally, the letter came. It was scribbled and could hardly be read, but Mrs Ng managed to figure it out. The code-name was "SINGAPORE AIRLINES". Mr Ng rushed to the nearest store and got a newspaper and flipped the pages frantically.
"Ah! Here it is!" Mrs Ng grabbed the page and read aloud. Before she could finish, <
The motto was ..."7 TIMES A WEEK, 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY, NON-STOP".
CHEERS!
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