Once upon a time, and far, far away lived a beautiful queen with voluptuous breasts. Her neighbor was the famous dragon slayer Nick who, between dragon slaying chores, would admire those breasts. It was his desire to touch them but Nick the Dragon slayer knew that the penalty for his desire would be death for the king was a very jealous man.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the king's Consultant Physician (chief doctor). Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins. Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer agreed to the offer.
The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little into the queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the royal chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the king and queen that only special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the cure for the itch.
The king quickly summoned for Nick the Dragon Slayer and Horatio the Physician slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the queen's voluptuous and magnificent afflictions (breasts).
The queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and was even touted as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the king, with a laugh just told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the king's underwear. The king thus immediately summoned for Nick the Dragon Slayer...
Moral of the story:
Pay your bills! Or the consequences may be more than you bargained for!
Salut!
23.8.07
22.8.07
Life's Embarrassing Moments...
Ever had one of those moments when you wished the earth would open & swallow you up?
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*Third Place*
Submitted by a 21 year old student
It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home,but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride to the phone.
Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled "SURPRISE!". My entire family - aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends were standing there! My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.
Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again .
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**Second Place **
Submitted by a 30+ year old mother of 1
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my kid decided to release some pent up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons, and I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself immediately, she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee (dick) last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow, and the last thing I heard as the door closed behind me were the screams of laughter.
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***Champion***
Submitted by a 19 year old undergraduate
This happened at Harvard University in October last year. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen.
A young female freshman raised her hand and asked, "If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?"
"That's correct." responded the professor, going on to add statistical data to prove his point.
Raising her hand again, the sweet young thing asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?".
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing and the poor girl turned bright red as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied). Picking up her books without a word, she started to make her way out of the class when the professor gave the most classic reply.
Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the tastebuds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!"
-------------
*Third Place*
Submitted by a 21 year old student
It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home,but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride to the phone.
Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled "SURPRISE!". My entire family - aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends were standing there! My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.
Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again .
-------------
**Second Place **
Submitted by a 30+ year old mother of 1
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my kid decided to release some pent up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons, and I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself immediately, she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee (dick) last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow, and the last thing I heard as the door closed behind me were the screams of laughter.
-------------
***Champion***
Submitted by a 19 year old undergraduate
This happened at Harvard University in October last year. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen.
A young female freshman raised her hand and asked, "If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?"
"That's correct." responded the professor, going on to add statistical data to prove his point.
Raising her hand again, the sweet young thing asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?".
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing and the poor girl turned bright red as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied). Picking up her books without a word, she started to make her way out of the class when the professor gave the most classic reply.
Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the tastebuds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!"
21.8.07
Priceless Moments
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.
As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong when he was knackered. Forcing himself to open his eyes, the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table and next to them, a single stalk of red rose!
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all cleaned and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. He then notices a note hanging at the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss from his wife: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, so Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3am drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $1.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time............ PRICELESS!!!
As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong when he was knackered. Forcing himself to open his eyes, the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table and next to them, a single stalk of red rose!
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all cleaned and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. He then notices a note hanging at the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss from his wife: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, so Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3am drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $1.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time............ PRICELESS!!!
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